Thursday, May 19, 2016

Strange Days Indeed

Today feels weird. 

I know I'm awake, but I feel like I'm dreaming. I feel uneasy, tired, and I can't quite focus. 

I found out last night via text message that I got fired from my part time job that I have only had for two months (on Saturday and Sunday each week). On the one hand, I was worn out from working seven days per week, and I didn't ever really feel like I fit in, and sometimes I would think about quitting. On the other hand, I thought that I was doing well for a job I only worked two days per week and never really had more training than a few hours of "this is how this works" and then sink or swim after that. I thought I was swimming...or at least dog-paddling...until I got a text from my friend last night that said that we were not going to be on the schedule because Tally was unhappy with the evening shift. ("not on the schedule" is code for "you're fired") At first, I was so ecstatic! I have my weekends back!! I don't have to quit now!! I'm not going to be dead on my feet every Monday or miserable every Saturday and Sunday night! But then today the reality that I got fired for the first time ever is sinking in and I think my ego is a bit bruised. So I texted the owner and asked him why I got fired, and he told me that it was because no one ever trained me right, so when I ring up a ticket that a waitress wrote, if the waitress forgot to write the charge on the ticket, I'm not noticing it and therefore not charging the customer for it and he can't afford to be giving away free meals. Alrighty, then. I replied back "I understand. I didn't know I was doing that. Thank you." And so here I sit - pissed that no one bothered to properly train me, or at least point out my mistakes so I could learn from them, yet relieved that I don't have to go to work there anymore. Such a strange set of conflicting feelings. 

The weather is overcast and cold. I can hear jackhammers outside the building. I have a cold that seems to be rallying after I thought it was gone and it is making me more tired than usual (I feel like I'm always tired anymore). I'm itchy in random places. I am uneasy. (I know I mentioned that already but I just am.)

The headlines on my browser home page are as follows:
• Oklahoma lawmakers OK bill criminalizing performing abortion
• All 7 crew members safe as B-52 crashes on Guam
• Colorado movie theater isn't liable for 2012 mass shooting
• Manning appeal seeks reversal of charges or reduced sentence
• Judge in Freddie Gray-officer trial grills prosecutors
• Cosby spends millions as lawsuits, criminal case rage on
• 9 deaths, no charges raise questions about oversight agency
• McCrory lawsuit against feds may shift narrative on LGBT law
• NASA's Valkyrie robots set the table for human life on Mars
• New penis recipient looks forward to being a 'complete' man

For some reason that combination of headlines adds to my unease. On the one hand, the State that I occupy has done the unthinkable (and unconstitutional). And on the flip side of that some guy just got a penis replacement. I have thoughts on the other headlines, both good and bad, but these headlines wear me out and they don't seem real. Nothing seems real right now and maybe that's why I feel so uneasy. I kind of just want to go home and sleep until tomorrow. 

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