Aaand that's a big nope. 

It was fun while it lasted.
It was an exercise in living in the moment.
It was a test of sorts, to see if I have learned anything.

It turns out that I have. 

These two things showed up on my browser page today, almost as an affirmation:

Fact of the day:
Happy people embrace failure. Failing is a way to figure out what works, and then making changes that lead to happiness and success. - Provided by FactRetriever.com 

Thought of the day:
"Look with favour upon a bold beginning." - Virgil 

So yeah. It was a bold beginning. It was super fun, and the first time I just let it evolve without thinking about it tooo much. He's a fun and happy-go-lucky person and treated me with respect which is more than I can say about most. In the end, though, there were a couple of important personal boundaries that were crossed. I was able to recognize them and acknowledge them instead of ignoring and avoiding. Not without sadness, but I don't think that those things are ever easy, especially with someone you enjoy on so many other levels. It's progress. 

I've been wanting to write for a bit, and I had a lot to say. I don't now, for some reason. I'm hopeful. I'm intrigued. I'm curious. I'm drawn to him. He makes me laugh. His smile melts my heart. Isn't that enough for now? 

Okay Halloween.

 I miss RJ being my Halloween partner in crime. I truly miss my friend, but he is a man. I couldn’t really expect him to value true friendship, could I? They always seem to want more.

My costume this year was Mother Nature. Body by Christian, Costume by Kierstin and Kimberly. 

Sage joined us. THEN…in what turned out to be a Halloween marathon…it was really Halloween. I dressed like a Pirate, handed out candy, and then went to the MAX for many Jello shots and as much TRON as I wanted. 

Then there was a food truck…and something about nachos. THEN…you thought I was finished, didn’t you?...THEN Sage and I went to KENTUCKY!!! It only made the awesome week awesomer because I got to see my favorite people in my favorite place to be at my favorite time of the seasons. It was so great for my spirit, and the bond between me n Sagey. 

THEN…haha got you again…when I got back – THE NIGHT THAT I GOT BACK – I went to a benefit concert for Leonard Peltier with the most crazy awesome lineup of musicians and talent and … something sacred. Joe Ely, John Densmore, Keith Secola, Jessi Coulter, Shooter Jennings, Peter Coyote, KRIS FREAKING KRISTOFFERSON, Rita Coolidge, Arlo Guthrie, and a totally unexpected (to me) Jayme Johnson – I had no knowledge of his existence until that night and I felt like I’d practically met Jesus. His voice, man. They ended the show with ALL my favorite gospel songs mashed into one. I couldn’t help but dancing my ass off. THEN…(this is the last one, I promise)…I met KRIS KRISTOFFERSON HIMSELF!!! I GOT TO HOLD HIS HAND AND TALK TO HIM. I MET ONE OF THE HIGHWAYMEN IN PERSON, and the family of one of the others. I am so thrilled and honored. *sigh. Twelve days of complete joy and life experiences. 

THEN…okay I told you last one, so just read the end of my last post xoxo

Experiments

I have been doing experiments.

Sage is well - and there's a new chapter 'could be included in experiments. I love her so much.

Halloween Happened...I'll write about that

Met Kris Kristofferson...more there

RJ decided friendship isn't really a priority to him

early am gym is working out...if not difficult.

I cut the cable chord, switched to streaming, gave Sage half of her bills to start paying, and I"m still overdrawn. How do I crawl out of this??

These are all things I want to write about. I will.

And...I met someone.
That's what I'm posting about. I met someone.

This is him. I think I have known him forever somehow.

I question(ed) everything at first. Then...at the point where I felt a duty to slow things down, and act opposite of my instincts and desire...I did the opposite. I threw caution to the wind. I gave in. I decided that this time, I am going to jump in with both feet, I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve, say what I think, bask in the attention instead of distrusting it, and return the warm, seemingly genuine energy being directed at me. (me!) .I am going to risk losing someone by being honest, and trusting him at the same time.

I may be writing my next relationship obituary, but I am going to enjoy being called baby, and other nicknames like Lil miss badass, and all that. I'm going to enjoy feeling warm fuzzy and being honest enough to give someone else warm fuzzies.

I do want to find a solid foundation. God, family values, an interest in running a household together...the way things should be. Is it this easy? Did I find someone that easy?

If so, I thank God.

Update 12/12/17 - nope. But I'm not deleting this post because it DID feel good and I DID enjoy it and he IS a good person who will find his forever someone like I will. I think it was good for both of us.