Perhaps it was a trick of the eye...or the person in charge of the marquis made a mistake, but the flashing red sign said "John's Struggling Soul". Huh. Ironic.
I found out yesterday afternoon about the state of his affairs; messy, just like his life. Tens of thousands owed to the IRS and the State...overdrawn bank accounts...numerous other debts...two and a half months past due on rent...four DUIs and three wrecks in less than a year. His apartment was littered with various people's prescription bottles, trash, filth...and more filth in any box or corner one would care to look. I can imagine it vividly, because even though I wasn't there I've seen it before. I've seen his life in a house and it is dismal and pitiful.
When he died, I prayed that God see what shaped his soul and forgive him. I prayed that God see the good that was inside of him and the darkness that infected him as simply a virus or sickness passed on to him at a very early and impressionable age. Save the light inside of him...understand that it wasn't his fault he was like that.
I am a naive dumbass and I'm struggling with that prayer even as his soul is struggling.
Happy St Pattys Day
7 years ago
1 comment:
I don't pretend to have all the answers about death, spirits, and the afterlife. But I do believe that God is much more forgiving than we give him credit for. We don't want him to forgive sometimes, becuase we don't want to forgive and we hate to be trumped.
It speaks volumes that your prayer is for John's peace. For some people, the earth is hell. Their own demons, their own addictions, their own family makes their existence unbearable. Only God knows them inside and out, every hair and every cell, every hurt and every misunderstanding, every dream and every let down. I think he judges them according to so much more than we do, and he also is so much more merciful than we are.
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