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Paleo Week Four. I'm not giving up, nope.
On the bright side, I don't crave anything, not even cheese. (Yes the earth stopped spinning for a sec)
Besides that, ugh.
So I have been all excited and powered up about this Paleo journey. I jumped in with both feet, gave away all that food I didn't need (feeling a little guilty that I was enabling other people eat that kind of food), started cooking a lot and loving it, and even started keeping my kitchen cleaner and more organized. I started walking more, going to the gym, and added strength training to my schedule. Everything was peachy, until I weighed myself this past week. I had lost four and a half more pounds, but the body composition paper said I had gained fat, and lost muscle and water. WTF?! With all of my new exercise and eating habits, how the heck did I lose muscle and gain fat??
Well.
First, I guess I wasn't supposed to weigh in and do my body analysis on the first day of my period. Oops - that makes sense...a little.
Second, calories. When doing Paleo, it's all about "don't count calories, don't worry about how often or when you eat, just eat when you are hungry" and of course, eat the right foods. Apparently that only means if you are eating your weight in meat and vegetables. Do you know how much natural food it takes to equal the amount you need to get through the day without crashing the moment you get home from work??? Sheesh! So, I broke ranks and started counting calories. I added up my calories from just breakfast and lunch today (and I ate a lot and was full after both meals) and I only had eaten 512 calories. 512. That's not enough to keep a kitten alive! So, I made a list of all the food I have at home that I could eat in order to catch up on my calories ( there is a magic number for my weight, weight loss goals, overall health, blah blah) and managed to squeeze in 487 more calories. So, in spite of the rules I'm gonna have to count calories for a few days to get a picture of how much more I need to eat in a day.
Third, whatever. This week I have read so many articles about food, protein, muscles, fat, Paleo dos and don'ts, (which often conflict each other based on the source) and the science of our bodies. What I have gotten from it all is that everyone's body is different but we all have to eat certain amounts of protein and carbohydrates like it or not. There goes my "Naked and Afraid" approach.
So, my food and exercise journey is going to consist of figuring out the percentage of plant proteins (nuts) v. animal proteins (meat) v. healthy fats, plus or minus the amount of fruit servings, divided by the number of times I can't sneeze because I did too many ab crunches, times the square root of too much cardio (yes there is such a thing apparently).
I had no idea I was signing up for Rocket Science.
I have been on the Paleo diet since a week ago Tuesday. That is 12 days. Anyone following this blog knows how inconsistent I am in my attempts to create a cohesive theme in this blog, anything more than random comments that don't have anything to do with each other. I'm hoping this time is different.
In the past four years, I have gained at least 20 pounds. The bigger I get, the less confident I become. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to embrace my image and I am fully aware that there are men who enjoy "bigger girls". But I know this - I am a voluptuous short-ish person who will never be thin because that isn't how I was built. I was build with an evolution to large breasts post-childbirth, a round, full ass that I have been blessed with since I was young. I am a quintessential "hourglass shape" with danger of becoming more apple if I hadn't taken further steps.
Up until now, I have tried diet upon diet. I had a 3-month stint of being fit by personal trainer, but I burned out and stopped exercising (gained my weight back and then some).
My ancestors which I resemble most closely were also shortish, large-bosomed, round women with a very strong will. *cough
So, I accept I inherited those genes. I am resigned to always be soft, and round. I have been with men, romantically, who refer to me as soft Kimberly - in an endearing and appreciative way. My body is that of a woman and I have no desire to change looking like a woman.
Having said that, I have been embarrassed and ashamed of my latest weight gain. I was eating right, as far as I knew, and my main vice was beer. Admittedly, while I was having regular sex, my blood pressure was lower and I was a bit thinner, but I choose not to take that route right now (I have the option)
I started reading - and after the things I read I was sure that the main culprits were wheat and beer and milk products. They say that my middle is the result of stress but honestly I do not carry much stress these days. Things happen, I process them and let them go.
My second appointment with my Psychiatrist, who had lost so much weight during the three months that flew by before I saw her again that I thought she was seriously ill, stopped her day of "down to business" and listened to me and gave me a diet. She didn't give me a bunch of handouts that didn't make sense, she wrote down a diet. A way of eating that might help to polish up my mood and my sense of self. It was a rare moment in this day of detached doctors treating symptoms. What she ended up describing was a Paleo diet. A diet I have come to understand will be a way of life.
First, it was about the food I could and couldn't eat. I could eat meat, fresh veggies and fruits, seeds and nuts, healthy oils. Pretty simple, except that I didn't cook and there isn't a Paleo fast food restaurant yet. I'm falling asleep so I will say this - I am learning how to cook, how to organize my kitchen and therefore a light under my butt to organize my whole life to reflect this very basic way of eating and preparing food, and creating a lifestyle to surround these priorities.
