John's Struggling Soul

Perhaps it was a trick of the eye...or the person in charge of the marquis made a mistake, but the flashing red sign said "John's Struggling Soul". Huh. Ironic.

I found out yesterday afternoon about the state of his affairs; messy, just like his life. Tens of thousands owed to the IRS and the State...overdrawn bank accounts...numerous other debts...two and a half months past due on rent...four DUIs and three wrecks in less than a year. His apartment was littered with various people's prescription bottles, trash, filth...and more filth in any box or corner one would care to look. I can imagine it vividly, because even though I wasn't there I've seen it before. I've seen his life in a house and it is dismal and pitiful.

When he died, I prayed that God see what shaped his soul and forgive him. I prayed that God see the good that was inside of him and the darkness that infected him as simply a virus or sickness passed on to him at a very early and impressionable age. Save the light inside of him...understand that it wasn't his fault he was like that.

I am a naive dumbass and I'm struggling with that prayer even as his soul is struggling.