He's just not...

So yeah, I've posted this stuff about how much I love him and how awesome he makes me feel when I'm around him.

But when I'm not around him...I'm not real sure.

Yeah, he calls me most. I only call him if I feel like he isn't calling because I haven't called. Hahaha...that made me laugh....neurotic much?

But seriously...by now, there should be something more...solid. I love him...he loves me...why is it so hard for us to express that vocally? I tell my best friends I love them - why is it so off to tell him the same thing, and why do I get my feelings so hurt that he doesn't tell me first?

WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED???

*ahem.

I would just like to request from the Universe, from God, that this become somewhat more..simple...with less work and/or concern on my part. Men are obviously these uncomplicated creatures, so what you see is what you get...but WTF?

I'm pretty transparent...I think (they are men, they don't always "see".) Maybe he thinks he is being the same way. I don't know...I'm starting to think that he isn't as "strong" as I thought he was. I'm starting to think none of them are. They all have this "let's live in the moment, let's not worry about tomorrow" philosophy (with me)...and at the same time, "those" guys are the same ones who say "don't go to bed angry" and "if you ever want to talk about something let's talk about it" blah blah - and then they go out of their way to avoid conflict.

I wish that he would just "get it", tell me "look, I love you to the moon and back - just always know that, because as long as I'm calling you practically every day, and seeing you whenever you want to come see me and whenever I can come see you, and we're spending important days like New Year's and Valentines Day and Birthdays together, then it's obvious" then I would be okay. But he's reluctant to go that far, even though the rest is true and valid.

Whatever. I don't know why I drew the "love will forever be a mystery" card when I was born.